The Emotional Catering Service
The Emotional Catering Service describes what is commonly known as codependency. This book takes a totally new approach by uncovering powerful emotional attachments lurking in the psyche of codependents. These are attachments to feelings of self-doubt, self-denial, self-deprival, self-rejection, as well as abandonment and control.
What is the real reason intimacy is so threatening? This book shows us how we are unconsciously drawn to those individuals who appear to give us the same hurt, neglect, and disappointment we experienced in our childhood. This subconscious willingness to repeat old patterns and experience old emotions is the real reason caterers cling to unsatisfactory relationships.
Caretaking or catering is a psychological insurance policy against being controlled and abandoned by others. It is a strategy to avoid real intimacy. In this book, Sandra Michaelson teaches readers the concept of the magic gesture. This involves giving to others the emotional nurturing and understanding that we feel we never received. It is an act of giving performed for the wrong reasons.
Why do caterers live under the microscope of other people's evaluation and judgment? What is behind the constant search to be liked and recognized? Caterers easily misinterpret and take personally other people's feelings and behaviors. As a caterer, our sense of value is dependent on how someone else sees us. In our mind, we're always being scrutinized, evaluated, and judged negatively by others. Caterers add to this deluge of external disapproval by sinking under tidal waves of self-reproach.
Why are some people unable to delegate responsibility and feel that only they can do it right? Where does the expectation come from that others will fail us and let us down? By doing it all and shouldering other people's burdens, we make ourselves victims of their failings and inadequacies. By doing it all, caterers prove how others are irresponsible, thereby creating feelings of disappointment they’re unconsciously attached to.
Why do some of us allow ourselves to be controlled and directed by others and bound by their needs and demands? Sandra examines the origin of the caterer's entrenched belief that self-autonomy and independent emotional expression mean loss of love and acceptance.
Sandra liberated hundreds of her clients from the trap of emotional catering. If you have been running an emotional catering service and you want to close up shop, you must learn to see yourself, others, and the world through greater awareness. External improvements in your life will follow after you acquire this vital self-knowledge.